The ambivalently-attached  driver is anxious and excited. She is intimidated by the driving instructor, who holds the key to solo, licensed emotional driving. The instructor is entrusted with not only the driver’s training, but also her safety. The driver begins cautiously, carefully following instructions and repeatedly looking to the instructor for affirmation. As inexperienced drivers tend to do, she comes up to an intersection a bit too quickly.

“Give it some more brake,” I bark.

She over compensates and we feel the gravity of seat belt and pavement. I can see tears forming and lip wobbling.

“It’s fine,” I say. “Everyone does that at first. You have to get used to the distances and the speed—when to start applying the brake and how hard to push. I know it feels awkward now, but soon you’ll be doing it without even thinking about it.”

“No, I’ll never get it right,” the ambivalent driver wavers. “I can’t do anything right. I’ll never get my license and my mom will have to drive me everywhere.” 

She pauses. Attempting to hold off a frustrated flood of tears she looks over at me as the light turns. “I can’t do this. I should pull over so you can drive. Are you angry?”

“Of course not. I do this for a living. You’d have to be a lot more reckless and a much worse driver to shake me up. Come on, let’s just get to a safer place to pull over and I’ll take over if you want. Maybe a parking lot would suit us better for the rest of this lesson.”

“Okay.” As it’s her turn to go, determination and concentration take over her features. She accelerates slowly as the traffic in front of us stretches out ahead one car at a time. “Which way should I go? Is this too fast? Which lane should I get in?”

“You’re doing great. We’ll make a left at the next light into that shopping center. You can put your turn signal on now. That’s good. Now slowly veer into the turn lane. Great. That was great!”

“Well, I think I can maybe still drive a little more. Maybe just in the parking lot for a minute.”

“I think you’re doing fine, and the parking lot will be good practice as well.”

“Okay, thanks.” She makes the left turn without flaw and a slight glow of confidence begins to radiate from the corners of her eyes. She’s almost smiling.

Attachment Theory