Our marriage counselor (and pastor in 1990) told us we’d fight about time, money and sex, and that was just about right. Later, I ran across “The Five Love Languages,” which, admittedly, I didn’t read all of, but got the basic idea from. We give and receive love in different ways—in different languages:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Ideally, I would express love to my partner in his language rather than my own. I’ve started to think that there are only really three basic languages, each with two variations for a total of nine. These are just initial thoughts and will need to be researched more rigorously, but why not hang love on thought, emotion, and action. The Enneagram (among other systems) divides human experience into head, heart and body. Thought correlates to the newest and most rational part of our brain, the neo-cortex, emotions to the limbic (mammalian) system, and body, to the reptilian brain, or lizard brain, as Seth Godin calls it—Enneatypes 6, 3 and 9, respectively. More detail forthcoming.

In Integral Life Practice (ILP,) I exercise body, mind, soul and spirit in self, culture and nature. The ILP course, required by the JFKU masters program in Integral Theory, builds a foundation of self-practices, including tracking, assessment and readjustment. For Integral Marriage Practice, I propose a framework of body, heart, mind and spirit. I observe that Mike and I have little conflict in the mind, or intellectual realm. Where we struggle is with feelings and physical issues. I think this is because of the three basic human orientations. I am a heart/feeling type and I think Mike is a body/action type. There’s no charge around mind for either of us, but plenty around emotions and physicality. I propose practices for us in the body and heart arenas. I’m not quite sure what post-mythic, interpersonal spiritual practices will look like for us yet, but am eager to explore the options and design appropriate practices in the spiritual arena.

Marriage is a great place to become.